Wet Review

It’s been a long time since Lara Croft graced our television
screen with her first bout of tomb raiding antics. Back in 1996 she tore down
boundaries, and was the first icon of the Playstation era. Never before had a
woman been presented in the video game arena in such a strong and positive
manner, and not only did she turn the industry on its head, she was also the focus
of many teenage male fantasies.


Fast forward to 2009, and the 13 years since Miss Croft’s
debut have been strangely void of any similar role models. This may have been a
deliberate decision. After all, presenting more female characters in a similar
vein would encourage claims of “copycat” and “jumping on the bandwagon”. Whilst
we have seen strong independent women presented, they have never successfully
taken centre stage. But now, Bethesda Software have finally taken the plunge.


It’s very easy to see the stylistic influences running riot
through the game; at one point or another, I was reminded of Ocean’s Eleven,
assorted John Woo titles, Lock Stock, Kill Bill, and just about every other
Tarantino flick, whose own movies pay homage to a great many other films and
directors. I loved it. Add the Mexican-punk-rockabilly score to the mix and the
game presents itself with a cock-sure swagger and an air of cool.


Graphically, it isn’t the most impressive looking title in
the world. The animation is very “last-gen” on occasion too. However, it does
what it needs to. It is a shame in this day and age, from a graphical point of
view, that style has been put on a much higher pedestal than substance. Guy
Ritchie films were much the same. They would never win awards for cinematography,
but they sure as hell would for editing. And it is what we find here. So much
care and attention has gone into the styling that I was totally overlooking the
graphical failings.


The game-play finds itself lacking on occasion too. We have
seen this kind of storytelling before in video games, with the most recent
example and obvious comparison being John Woo’s Stranglehold, although there
are strong traces of Tomb Raider and Assassins Creed dotted around too. Indeed,
where Woo infuses his movies – and game – with a powerful narrative throughout,
giving meaning to the carefully crafted set pieces and over-the-top action, Wet
seems to miss the target, offering many generic encounters for you to jump,
shoot and slide through in slow-mo. Generic they may be, but at least they are
fun, if not overly imaginative. Yet
again, though, the presentation of the unoriginality is glorious, and you do
find yourself grinning as you pump more bullets into a gunman than have been
fired in Iraq over the past year. It is also hindered by a plot with more holes
than an old pair of tights.


Once in a while the
“run from beginning to end shooting people” is broken up. For example, the
second level sees a high speed freeway chase, similar in feel on occasion to
the Matrix freeway battle. You shoot the villains that hang out of the cars and
hummers, all the while jumping over flipping sudans and jack-knifing big-rigs. The level isn’t long, or hard, but
it is a fun addition and a nice break of pace. And a massive thumbs up for the
sub levels where, upon getting a face full of blood, everything goes bonkers.
I’m saying no more than that. Bit of a shame then, that the level that involves
you sky diving is dull as dishwater.


I started this review focussing on the star of the piece,
the anti-heroine by the name of Rubi. She misses the mark completely. Whereas
Croft oozes confidence and sexuality, and Thurman in Kill Bill displays bags of
sex appeal, cool, and vulnerability, Rubi doesn’t look or sit right. There is
no real motive to her. No attention to detail in the way the character looks or
feels, which is true of most of the cast here too. In short, the primary goal
of the developers was to create a character that looks sexy and, whilst she is
doing the whole jump / slide / shoot thing, looks damn hot too. Except that she
doesn’t look remotely sexy. Eliza Dushku was drafted in to voice Rubi, but to
me she seems have been very under-utilised. For all the dialogue she utters
forth, I would imagine that she was in the studio for an hour, tops. And it
isn’t the most convincing vocal performance I have ever heard either. I’m
upset. I love Dushku. I have done ever since Buffy The Vampire Slayer when she
played the kick ass “is she good or bad” Faith. I loved her in the recent
Dollhouse too. But here, there is little to convince me that she gave a toss
about what she was doing in that sound booth. The devs would have been better
suited to putting her visually into the lead role. She certainly would have been
a lot sexier than the character model currently in use.


Malcolm McDowell adds some credibility to proceedings -
although I cannot for the life of me think why he chose to do this - and Alan
Cummings? Well, can someone out there tell me who he voiced, because I don’t
have a clue.


It sounds like I am hating on this game quite a lot, and,
well, I am. There is much to be annoyed about. I hate that the graphics are
outdated. I hate that it is a blatant rip-off of so many movies. I hate that it
is so easy (and it is). I hate that it is so short. I hate that there are game-play
elements that I got bored of by 1998. I hate that Eliza Dushku sounds like she
recorded her vocals with as much enthusiasm as having a dump. But more than all
of this, I hate that I really quite like it. See, for all its plagiarism, and
for all the unoriginality, it is fun. It’s like watching your average summer
blockbuster movie. You know the story is going to be crap, and anything above
wooden in the acting stakes is a bonus, but if there is fighting, guns,
explosions, jumping around, cool music, and slow motion, and it is presented in
a way that makes you want to go and buy replica guns and samurai swords and
frighten grannies in Tesco’s car-park, then you’re happy. It doesn’t involve
using your brain and your thumbs can go into automatic pilot. Sure, it may not
last you more than a week, but for cheap thrills it does exactly what it says
on the tin.





7/10

balls...i misread the thread

Yeah, it's not that club of which we are NOT members.

that my good sir should be investigated by the trading standards...genuine, community minded people like us could be fooled into buying that game under false pretences

I might also have to claim for 'related expenses', such as hand cream and kleenex, for example.

been there and done that mate...though i use the hand cream as a good moisturiser

i hope you dont mean the cream you create with the use of your hand