Todays Joke

lol

Three ladies are sitting in a bar. All of them have husbands named Larry. One lady asks, "If you could name your husband after any soda pop, what would it be?"

The first lady thinks for a minute and says, "Moutain Dew, because he can mount and do me anytime."

The second lady thinks for awhile and finally says, "7-Up, because he has seven inches and can always get it up."

The third lady thinks for a long time and finally says, "Jack Daniels."

The other ladies look at her with a confused look and say, "Wait a minute, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor."

The third lady says, "Yep, thats my Larry!"

Love that one and the

What to do when you sit next to a jerk on an airplane

1. Take out your laptop. 
  
2. Slowly open your laptop. 
 
3. Turn it on. 
  
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching. 
  
5. Open your internet browser. 
  
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the sky, or the heavens if you will. 
  
7. Breathe deeply and open the site http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
  
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

THAT IS BRILLIANT!!!!!

I love it!

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"



A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Football Result

Liverpool: 96 - Everton 3

A last minute shocker from Liam Gill along with a shot from Rhys Jones and an in the box effort from Madeline McCann who had been missing for most of the game still wasn't enough to crush the Liverpool supporters.

I've just read that one from Zool re laptop. Genius. Had me in stitches. Got some really odd looks from my co-workers!

It is a cracker, did the rounds in my office as soon as I saw it and I took all the plaudits as though it was my own.......

Errrrr can't think of a joke!?!?!

What noise do cows with no lips make?


ooooooooooooooooo.


Well the image of it is funny in my head

I like

How much wood could a Woodchuck cut?

None you moron...it doesn't have opposing thumbs so can't grip the axe handle!!!!

Opposable Thumbs Lemony

I was scouring the internet and I found a picture of you going out of your way to prove that you should never take sweets from strangers

That's my Thursday night "slippery cucmuber night" get up.

SO thats why you were too tired to come back online last night

vegetable sodomy will really take it out of you

You stich up vegetables so you can deflour them all over again?

Why did the chicken cross the road?


Oi! Why don't you lot just leave them alone!
It's bad enough that it was remarkably difficult for them to secede from Russia back in 1994 only to have to put up with constant and bloody battles with Islamic militants followed by a second war with Russia in 2000 where the fought tooth and nail for control of Grozny!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh.....hang on a mo......sorry, my bad, that's Chechens.

eh?

nah i got it fairly early on old bean